It took me some time to decide what to call this blog. Metnal is the ninth level in the Mayan underworld described as a place of eternal darkness and cold. I envision my depression as being on a fragile ledge of a pit cave that drops to oblivion and so far down that there is no light. Recovering from depression is a long hard upward struggle where the rock under my hand can break off at anytime plummeting me down.
The quote is the opening to Dante's Inferno. The classic poem telling the story of a man's journey through hell to reach paradise. The poem opens with the narrator lost in a dark forest with the path to the sun blocked. To reach it he conquers fear and grows a stronger person.
The title and the quote set the mood I'm aiming for. They are a symbolic representation for this period of my life. Recovering from depression is a struggle that can take months or years. There is a danger of falling into remission. I honestly think that I will not fully recover from depression. It's been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, it will always be there. I do worry that I will have a remission, but for now I will scale the wall.
Ascending Metnal
Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been lost. Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say What was this forest savage, rough, and stern, Which in the very thought renews the fear. -Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy, Inferno, Canto I
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About this blog
I am a 23 year old woman attending university in Texas. My major is biology, though I am not sure what I will do for my career. Like many people in my age group I feel a constant pressure to preform perfectly. To excel in my school work as well as maintain a relationship and have time to enjoy myself. On top of this I had a poor childhood. Ever since my parents separated I have had a hard time dealing with stressful situations. I was always called sensitive. No doubt my family took advantage f it. Out of all the people in my family I never retorted the abuse. When I was yelled at, called names, or hit all I did was cry as silently as I could. Whenever I did try to defend myself, responding in like, it got worse. I was the only one not allowed to use violence. I became progressively numb. Though I participated in activities in highschool there was no enjoyment. As I got older the world came at me faster, harder. I was able to handle it, but eventually it brought me to my knees. I knew there was something wrong with me for years but I never sought help. Until recently.
This blog is a therapeutic tool. To share my story about depression, how I got it, and how I will overcome it.
This blog is a therapeutic tool. To share my story about depression, how I got it, and how I will overcome it.
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Ascending Metnal
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1 comments:
Don't lose hope. There is medication and therapy to help cope with depression.
I understand what you mean when you say you are close to remission, because I could easily have a relapse if I go a few days without my medication-it's a scary thought.
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