Dip Ahead

Lately I'm noticed that I have not been feeling as good as when I first started recovery. I've been sleepy again and I have been more irritated. I'm worried that I'm falling into a remission again and that I'm doing something wrong. I'm also worried that I might have to increase my prescription so soon. I'm not panicking or anything but I'm just keeping an eye on it before it's too late. I could just be feeling a little down because all my work is piling up and it's close to the end of the year. Being cooped indoors probably hasn't helped. Ah hell, it could be SAD. It did kinda start when the days started to get shorter. I doesn't matter what's causing my dip in mood. The important thing is that I'm tuned to my my moods and know when something isn't quite right. Being aware of how my mood changes will help me recognized when I have a depressive episode and handle it.

Therapy and Podcasts

Talking to my therapist last week, we both decided that therapy is not necessary for my recovery and decided to stop the sessions. If I ever need to go back, I'm more than welcome to. Therapy was good for me but I felt like I was already doing most of the work. Therapy gave me an opportunity to have insight into how I have been taking care of myself. However I am making my own path to recovery through a try and let's see approach. I've been making decisions that move me closer to a happy life and so far they are working.

As a side note I recently bought an ipod and started subscribing to podcast about depression. It has really helped me in recovery. If your interested and want to learn more about depression check it out.

Some recommendations

The Down and up show a podcast run by depressionisreal.org an organization raising depression as a public health issue. This show is more technical with discussions with experts on research, physiology, demographics, etc.

Health Talk: Depression Releases every third Sunday of the month, one hour long shows about various topics on depression

Depression in the Family a podcast for people with friends or family members diagnosed with depression. Very good to help non-depressed people understand what depression is, how it feels, what to look out for, how to care for a loved one with depression, etc. If you think someone close to you has depression or has been recently diagnosed, I highly recommend this podcast.

Taming the dragon: Living well with depression All the other podcast I've listed are told from the expert side, usually people who don't have depression. This one is run by someone who actually has depression and has gone through therapy and medication so you get a very personal insight into the mind of depression. She hits the nail on the head on how depression feels. This podcast only has two real episodes and changed to goodfeeling's Podcast.

Still Here

I have to apologize for my recent absence. School has been very difficult lately and every week I'm either taking a test, writing a paper, or working on a project. Things have calmed down for a while so I have a bit of a break. As expected the medication has been building up in my system for the last two months and each week I have noticed an improvement. Before if I had this much work I would be overwhelmed and begin to have breakdown fits, but now I still feel the anxiety and nervousness but I can manage it. I have returned to therapy. I returned to one of my therapists that I had seen before. Unfortunately he is a cognitive psychologist and I wanted a psychodynamic approach to therapy. So he referred my to another therapist. I want to examine myself and get in touch with my feelings. I go every other week and discuss my experiences from those last two weeks and how I managed situations and my moods. In my last session I realized that I was giving too much credit to the medication. He made me realize that it is not the medicine that is making the decision visit my mother and sister, let go and play rock band all night. I decided to seek help long before medication, and I knew I was depressed even though no one told me. The medication and I are working together to make me happy. If I didn't have the drive to change the meds would be useless.